Tuesday, February 18, 2014

messy thoughts.

Will I ever learn? At this point, I feel pretty hopeless.

I feel like crap, I take antidepressants, feel better, go off, and then am right back where I started. Repeat this so many times I lost track.

Complain about my weight, exercise for a few days, hurt like crazy, stop, eat myself silly, and then complain about my weight again.

Feel really motivated to cook for the week, eat healthier, and then drive past the gas station and lose all self control.

Go to sleep at night, wake up determined to have patience. By 9:00 AM it is gone. When is bed time again?

Look at my ridiculously cute kids, think we should have one more, Sabrina wakes up at 3:00 in the morning for the day, change my mind about one more baby, Sabrina learns how to say "I wove ewww!", we should have another one, or should we.

Watch the Olympics, get inspired to be something more than just this, realize just this is okay, but what if. What if I am I suppose to do something more than this every day stuff? Maybe I should come up with some grand dream to pursue, or not.

I think I should just enjoy today {and everyday after} for whatever it brings me, big or small. Today it was Paul bringing me breakfast in bed, a walk to the park, a home cooked lunch, an unmade bed, and Finding Nemo that reminded me to just keep swimming.

5 comments:

Chris and Paige Evans said...

Wow this post is so true and real! Thank you for being honest. Life is good.

The Circus said...

I struggle with the demons in my head every day. The demons that maybe I'm supposed to be doing something a whole lot more with myself. And that makes me lose focus of what my priorities should be. My family. It's a messy game indeed. Thanks for sharing.

kendahl a. said...

I love this post. I know so much of this in my own life. Just keep swimming!

Emily said...

I love your honesty. Truth is, I feel like this quite often, especially that part about the Olympics (remember my recent "grow up" post?). "Just keep swimming" is often said around these parts, 'cause if you're not swimming, you're drowning. Just know I have a fantastic swimmer in the family I can send in if you feel you can no longer swim. xoxo

Vanessa Brown said...

I blame a lot of this phase on having really little ones still.