Tuesday, October 22, 2013

a pile of complaints

In an effort to be more real, open, and honest...this is the post I wrote yesterday. My thoughts aren't always pretty, but they belong to me nonetheless.
Oh hi. I have this blog that I use to like to update every day, and now...ugh. I sit down to update, and all I come up with is a collection of complaints in my head. 
I tell myself I am going to miss this stage I am in, but if I am being honest right now...I feel pretty ready to be past the diapers, teething, tantrums, and potty training. At the end of most days I feel totally spent, worn down, and absolutely exhausted. I may or may not think that going to work would be a nice break to this chaos. I thought that I would have this SAHM stuff all figured out by now, but every day is a learning experience for me. 
It is hard for me to admit that something I wanted to do so badly, I am not naturally good at. I have to try really hard to have patience with my little people. I sometimes find myself wanting to be really selfish, and wanting "my time" back. I have to give myself gentle reminders that I can do better, but have also had to learn to embrace who I am...a delicate balancing act indeed.
I try not to compare myself to what others can do, but dooood how do you ladies keep a clean house? I can spend all day working on it, and yet at the end of the day I could still make a list of things that need to be done. I was tempted to throw everything away this weekend, because that would make my life so much easier. Don't even get me started on the making 3 meals day, running around to all the events, looking like you stepped out of a salon, and finding time to exercise. Just typing it all makes me want to have a nap.
I am thankful I got lucky in the husband department. My kids would really be screwed without him. That guy has large amounts of patience with me, and helps me out tremendously. I know I wouldn't make it without his constant support. When I have given everything I can, he swoops in to make up the rest. 
At the end of the day, I crawl in bed knowing tomorrow I get another crack at this Motherhood gig {thank goodness}. I think of how awesome my kids are in their own unique way, hoping I can inspire them to be something better than myself, and wishing for great things to come our way.


Vanessa Brown said...

I make really good meals. I do not every look nice, my house is very messy, and I do not exercise like I should. Boo to me, blah. That is awesome Paul is so supportive, sign me up for that too! You lucky duck.

Cathy said...

I'm pretty crappy at this most days BUT my kids absolutely adore me. They love ME and without them I wouldn't be a mother so it's all good. Clean floors be damned.

EMILY =) said...

You always look cute, your house has been spotless every time I've been there and you are always doing fun things with your kids. You are amazing in my book!

Arianne Newton said...

I just wrote a post on my blog about this same thing yesterday!! Funny!!! You are awesome!!!

kendahl a. said...

You know how those moms do it? THEY DON'T. It's a front. Either that or they are overdosing on Ritalin.

Screw exercise. Screw clean houses. Screw looking put together all the time. Just live your life. Make mistakes, and learn from them. Wake up tomorrow and do it again. That's how it works. And according to me, you are doing one hell of a good job at this SAHM thing!

Jerilee E. said...

Yes, I don't blog much for the same reason. I happen to think you are doing great and always look cute! Pretty much all the other moms that SEEM like they have it all together... well, they just SEEM that way. I have nothing figured out and my youngest is 5. My house is always messy, I wear sweatpants on an all too regular basis and rarely brush my hair. I do run early in the morning- that's all I've got... and that is really the only way to ensure I shower.
also, I repeat, I think you are awesome and your kids are happy. That's what counts.

Emily said...

I second what Kendahl and Jerilee said--you're rocking the mom thing. If there weren't a whole bunch of tomorrows, I think I'd be insane. I too go to bed knowing I get another chance at this motherhood thing.

Ali said...

You don't even want to hear the negative thoughts/complaints that have been going through my head lately. My little guy is sure to be the death of me. I am completely at the end of my rope. My husband just got a job which means I no longer get to work (I only really worked 2 days anyway) I am not even trying to hide the fact that I am totally bummed. I openly enjoyed the days I got a break from the kids and the cleaning and cooking. Thanks for keeping it real. We are all in this together. Good luck.