Friday, January 18, 2013

a work out journal. {week one}

January 14th, 2013

Gosh, it is sad that playing Just Dance makes me sore, and tired. These kids can run circles around me. At least I didn't just sit and watch like I usually do, I got up and played with them. I am making small changes, and that feels good.

January 15th, 2013
I had plans to attend a workout at a church nearby for the first time. I woke up, and saw on Facebook they were struggling to find someone to teach. I was kind of excited, because that could totally be my excuse to miss out. Of course, they found someone.

I quickly got ready, and realized I didn't have anything that could contain my chest for working out {I'm still nursing.}. That is a good enough excuse to miss.

I finally got the kids dressed, myself dressed, snacks, and I was out the door. Devin didn't want to get in his car seat, it was a struggle...and I kept telling myself what a bad idea this all was. I got half way to the church, and realized I didn't bring water...maybe this would be my way out.

I pull in, make my way to the gym, and don't see the person who was suppose to meet me {Brandie, I still love you for skipping out on me!}. This is so hard for me. I sit at the back, almost in tears, wishing I could just disappear.

I wish I didn't have to try to be skinny. I wish that I liked working out and eating healthy. I wish that this was easier for me.

A nice lady named Tammy comes to welcome me, I feel a tiny bit better...until we start working out. I feel pathetic, I feel old, I feel like I want to quit.

After an hour of working out, I load the kids back in the car...and want to cry all the way home. I know I am going to be sore, I know this is going to be a long journey, and I know I have to keep doing this.

January 16th, 2013

I was better prepared this morning, and had everything in the car so I wouldn't forget things like my water...again. Mat and a new sports bra were purchased last night to help me. I did feel better about my appearance, amazing what a good sports bra will do. I was still grumpy about working out, but I tried to have fun while putting myself through hell. Squats, push-ups, pull-ups, running, jump roping, and the list goes on. My legs were jelly when I tried to walk to the car.

Working out with the kids comes with a set of complications. I had to break to change a diaper, I had to yell at Devin to stop rolling the yoga balls into people, and then Sabrina wanted to be held. I had to remind myself to just keep moving, even if that meant holding Sabrina while I did laps around the church.

As I was working out, and watching Devin be active, my grumpiness washed away a little. I know I need to do this for me, but my kids need to see me do this too. I was never a skinny child, and have struggled with my body image. It is only fair that at age 31, I start changing that. I want to teach my kids I can do hard things, and that it is fun to be active.

January 17th, 2013

I can't move. Exercise makes me cranky, and diet is a swear word to me. I want quick results, I think I may need to eat my feelings today. Paul is rewarding me with a date to the movies, and I love that he is so supportive.

January 18th, 2013

I completed a week of exercise. I DID IT! I feel accomplished. Sore...yes, but I did it. I am ready for next week. My legs are incredibly sore, and I was scared to work out today. As soon as I got going, the pain went away. This will get easier, I just need to be patient.

I am thankful for this group of women that welcomed me in, and have taught me how to lift weights, do a burpee {ouch!}, and lots of other things. I am ready for this new beginning.

Hoping next week is slightly easier, and less emotional for me. I will be writing my thoughts down daily and sharing on Fridays. Oh, and a weekly picture of're welcome. :)


Amy Searles said...

Oh I love this! Keep moving, you won't notice a change in your body for a few weeks or even month. It will happen. When it does, it will happen fast! You're more than welcome to join me for a Zumba class.

Jerilee E. said...

You are doing awesome! Great idea to keep a journal. That's why I started my running blog.
It really does suck for a while. Stick with it and it will get easier and much better. I remember going to the gym and using the elliptical for 10 minutes and then walking out- because that was all it took to wipe me out. I did this so many times. I repeat- it WILL get easier.

Cathy said...

You are brave. I will not exercise in a class. By myself at the gym late at night is it for me. I'm proud of you.

Emily said...

I love you for doing this and for being so honest. Here's some honesty for you: I absolutely HATE burpees, lunges are the devil and dieting sucks rocks. I avoid the first two at all costs. As for the third, I prefer to "eat healthy" rather than "diet" . . . with a Thin Mint here and there to round things out a bit.

Rudy Rukus said...

I love you so much! We didn't meet by accident you know this right? I totally cried just now. I am so proud of you and you are so right your kids need to see you doing this and they need to understand that healthy is good and skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be!!

Vanessa Brown said...

Is it your ward that does it? Or somewhere else? I am proud of you Von.

kendahl said...

You are AMAZING and I am proud of you! Burpees are the worst thing ever invented, with pull-ups in a close second. I don't love working out either, and dieting is the worst swear word out there. Good luck! I'll be cheering you on. And when I can finally keep myself out of the hospital, I'll start working out too.

Jil ~ said...

You are my inspiration! We don't have a group that exercises, but I can exercise on my own. And I don't have little ones to use as an excuse anymore. Way to go!

Melissa Louise said...

I just love your writing so much. The world needs more of you in it :) It's always so interesting to me why it is so hard to do these types of things. I feel a giant dichotomy within myself because here I am, doing my nutrition homework (yeah, my major of choice because I am so passionate about it) after finishing off a frozen pizza by myself. Uhh, yes. Anyway, thanks for your honesty. We're all in this together.

Jenni and Chad Stewart said...

The older I get, the more I hate exercising. At a younger age, I enjoyed more active hobbies (dancing, rollerblading, etc.). Then it seems the more kids you have the more your hobbies go away, and trying to fit in something active becomes more of a chore. Now that my kids are older, I am promising myself that we will do more active fun things so exercise is not always such a dark cloud hanging over my head. :) Keep at it! If the class is not your cup of tea, pick something that is.

dust and kam said...

You inspire me to be a better person. I am proud of you!