Tuesday, June 28, 2011

working mom.

I find great joy in the fact that when someone Googled "the advantages of being a working mom" they found my blog.

In my church it sometimes is frowned upon to have a job as a Mother.  People say hurtful things like "your husband isn't doing a good job if he is having his wife work" or when someone casually says to me "well, she deserves to be home with that baby."  In other words Evonne...you don't deserve it.

The feeling of inadequacy can be overwhelming.  Trying to live up to what everyone else thinks is the "model mormon family" is exhausting!

When we were on our way to Southern California I saw a plaque in Beaver, Utah {I had to say it, giggle} that said "Come what may and love it".

Because I work my children will learn to not take our time together for granted.

Because I work my children will be able to go to the Doctor for a cold...even if it ends up they really can't do anything about it.

Because I work my children have been able to meet Mickey Mouse.

Because I work my children know that if you work really hard, you get to play even harder.

Because I work my children have a awesome relationship with their Daddy.

Because I work I don't have to cook! :)

It isn't always easy to go to work.  I obviously would rather be surrounded by people I love and adore...but more and more I realize that working isn't all that bad.


Michelle said...

oh yes, I've heard it all. I tell people I'm a better mom because I work. Some will always judge, I'm trying to learn to ignore them.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

I have tried to ignore them, and now I am gonna start sticking up for myself. :)

Rachel@I Heart Crafty Things said...

I agree, it is tough trying to fit the "model mormon family". I've worked on and off since having children so I definitely know what you're talking about. I really liked how in the last conference they specifically talked about how we shouldn't judge working Mom's. Some people have no tact!!

Even though I don't work right now, I honestly enjoyed having a part-time job. I felt like it made me happier on a day-to-day basis getting a break from the kids. Plus, I feel like now I lose myself in Motherhood and sometimes feel like that's ALL THAT I AM.

No judgments here girl! I think you ROCK!!

Jennifer said...

Love this post Evonne! Especially the part about kids having a great relationship with their dad and the "don't have to cook" part too. Agreed! 100%!! Love it!

jakell said...

I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my kids for 6 years when they were little and have worked part time off and on since..and would still be working right now if not for the pregnancy problems I was having... and I did also hear alot of comments about not being home with my kids all the time.

Some of us don't have that choice if they want insurance, food on the table etc. no matter how hard our husbands work.

My husband works his butt off and lots & lots of over time so that we can live paycheck to paycheck and pay out child support for his daughters and daycare. I enjoyed working when I did to have that adult social life and as you said give my husband the chance to bond with my children when I did work nights. When I don't work I feel guilty even shopping for food or any little thing we may need at the time like I am spending money I have not earned even though I shouldn't. I do not see a problem with Moms working outside the home. I love the fact that you have the opportunity to work when your husband can be with your kids. It was hard to leave my little ones and our bedtime routines we had each night but it made it alot easier who I was leaving them with, that they didn't have to go to day care at that time. I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted with my husband but as you said we were able to take the kids places now and then and do things we could have not done before..plus afford to buy food and necessities that were much needed. We cherished those family times together and made the most of them.

Sure we have a large family.. between "his" "hers" and soon to be "ours" and I often hear comments its our fault we live paycheck to paycheck and have the need for me to work outside the home. Sure, it is..I wouldn't change it for the world he chose to marry me and take on three more kids and we are very blessed. I did the same where he has two to also support.

Life is what we make it and I think in our own little families we do what we can to make the best of it, and only we know what that is. Who cares what others think we only have to be good enough for our own family :)

AubreyMo said...

So let me get this straight.

If you're a working mom, people say "shame on you, should be home with your kids."

If you're a stay at home mom, you get "oh that's nice, but it's not a REAL job."

People are ridiculous. Both jobs are hard, hard work. I admire you for working as hard as you do for your family - and the great thing is, you don't see your kids as much, so the time you DO get to spend with them you truly treasure and enjoy.

I don't know how stay at home moms do it, but I applaud them as well. It would be tough work to take care of little ones all day.

There's not a "right" or "wrong" way to do either. It's your life, your family, and you're doing an excellent job with both. Love you!

Kings said...

I like aubreys comment. I think we get it from both sides, because I feel sometimes like it's "not a real job" or I can't complain. We are our own worst critic most of the time. Both situations work our for the best because we are all great moms in the end doing whatever to make ours kids happy and feel loved.

Vanessa said...

I have to say I have gotten so much crap from working moms. Although I have stood by and heard people say really awful things to working moms as well. Sometimes we are women can just be MEAN. I think there are PEOPLE *IN* our church that can say rude things about working moms. But even our sweet prophet as given many talks where he gives props to the working moms out there. I really loved what he said at the RS meeting last year, “Do [our] differences tempt us to judge one another?” asked President Monson. “Can we love one another if we judge each other? And I answer…No; we cannot.” He went on to say that charity is “the opposite of criticism and judging.”

I feel like women are blessed with a knowing of how to nurture and be there for each other. BUT Satan I bet #1 on his list is to rip that away from us by getting us to be judgemental, compare our selves to others, etc. I feel myself always fighting it :( Its hard.

ANYWAYS that is what came to my mind when reading your post. Good for you to post what you really feel, that afterall is what blogs are for :)

dust and kam said...

you are awesome. and the best mom to your cute kids.

Lyle Family said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you much! I have heard the same thing for years and it is so hard. I want to stay home with my girls, but unfortunately I can not! So yes live for every moment that you are with the babies!! Thanks for being who you are and a fabulous example to me!!

Cathy said...

Lots of days I wish I had a job to go to. Is that bad? I don't know. I'm looking forward to the day when I can be a teacher again and have my own classroom and TEACH and go to work. Does that make me a bad mom? Who knows. If not, there's lots of other things I do that make me a bad mom. :o)

Rebecca said...

I must be hanging out in the wrong crowds (or maybe the right crowds?) because I never hear these kinds of comments against working moms! Or maybe I'm just oblivious. That could be true too.

I'm so sorry you get these judgmental comments. That is absolutely NOT what the gospel is about and it makes me so sad. I loved Vanessa's comment. We need to be way less judgmental and way more loving. We just have to do what is best for our families and ignore the naysayers.

And personally, I've always thought how nice it is that Paul gets so much daddy time. I wish Lydia got to see her daddy more often but we make the best with what we have. That's the beauty of freedom of choice. We can all carve out our own worlds that work best for ourselves. As long as we are trying to remain true to what God wants for us, there is no reason to doubt ourselves.

Emily said...

Love this post and the comments everyone has left. You are amazing and so is your little family. Kudos to you for doing so fabulously well! :)

Angie said...

Amen to what Emily said!!

Emily Christine said...

You amaze me. Love you.

Amy said...

I admire that YOU! You work, raise a family and even have time to blog! You are someone that I look up to. Stay positive and don't let those meanies get to you.

Rachel Sue said...

Honestly, people need to calm down and stop judging so harshly and immediately. It is none of their business and it drives me crazy when opinions are thrown around like we should appreciated every word we get the privilege to hear.

Sorry. Up on the judgey soapbox. It's been one of those days. . .

Lacey said...

I feel so bad that you've heard these kinds of things. I've always been a working mommy and although I often feel the struggle internally, I've never had anyone come out and say it to me. Wowza!!I think I'd bring out both fists swinging.

Greg and Heather said...

This is what I try to always remember: It just doesn't matter what other people think or say. We are all trying our best to make it in this life.
If everyone treated others the same way they would want to be treated, this world would be a happier place.