Thursday, October 22, 2009

the plan.

(picture stolen from Auntie Jenny)

I have not been sleeping. I don't think that it is very funny. I actually get really worked up about it, and then I end up having a minor melt down in the wee hours of the morning. I am worried about myself, and Paul is too. It will be the only time you will ever hear me say that I am excited for a Dr. appointment. I am going to fix myself, if that is possible. I really hate going to the Dr. I could go my whole pregnancy with two appointments...one to tell the sex of our baby, and one to tell me that it is time to have the baby.

But in the wee hours of the morning, when I have hours of sleeplessness I have time to think. Sometimes it is good happy thoughts that I want to jump up and write down, because it is those thoughts that remind me of my amazing life that has been created with Paul and Van.

Last night my thoughts turned to our plan for when this baby arrives. I thought about when Van, our first, was born. It was...What movie were we going to go see the night before I got induced? Who was going to be the first to get the call? Who was going to be the first to see our new baby? I then realized that these are all my same thoughts for our new addition. Who cares what movie we will see as a family, but I know who will get the first call...Our Van. Who will be our first visitor...Our Van. After all Van is our world, and should be the first.

Even though I know I have enough love for our Bri/Vin...Van will always be the one that made me a Mom, and I love her immensely for that.

6 comments:

Krystal said...

I'm so sorry you're not sleeping... that is the worst. I have chronic insomnia and my brain just races all night long... I can only imagine how hard that would be while pregnant! (I am seriously scared about pregnancy because then I can't take migraine pills or sleeping pills... it would be so hard for me!) SO, I guess if you're ever awake in the middle of the night, call/text me, cuz chances are, I am up too :) lol...

BUT, what a sweet tribute to Van... she *is* indeed your world. But Bri/Vin will be too, in a different way. I'm so excited to find out what you're having.

Steph said...

I suffer from insomnia quite regularly. Then it leads to my brain going to crazyville. :-)

You will be a doubly (i just make up words randomly) good mom when baby number 2 arrives.

Kelly said...

Oh I love this post :) It almost made me tear at the end. How great is your little family. That picture is cute. I hope the doctor can help you with sleeping better. I get frustrated when I can't sleep too.

Kelly

J Erickson said...

I so hope that you feel better soon!! Van is lucky to have such wonderful, loving parents. I think siblings should be the first to meet new babies. They are an important part is the baby's life and vice versa :).

Camille said...

oh, you're worrying me, Von! You need your sleep! But I know how your normal lifestyle is disrupted quite a bit with a pregnancy! I'm so excited for this new addition to come to your cute little family! You'll love this little one just as much as Van - your first love! Hang in there!

Shawna said...

I'm sorry you're not sleeping. Hope that goes better for you. I really thought that was a beautiful tribute to Van! Good luck with everything!