Friday, June 6, 2008

Friday's are FaBulOus!

This week has finally come to an end...Yahoo! After having two melt downs (one at home, and one at work) I am so happy to say I get the next 9 days off! Disneyland here we come!

Why is it that we as women put so much pressure on ourselves to be EVERYTHING?! What I mean by this is the best wife, the best Mommy, the best chef, the best house keeper, the hottest woman on the block, the best decorator, the best entertainer, etc. Why is it that we can't just excel in a couple of things, and think we have accomplished something?

After months of exercise, and losing 45 pounds I'm still not happy with my body shape. Shocking huh!? I asked myself this what point do you stop worrying morning and night about this "problem", and just think dang I'm beautiful 45 pounds lighter?! =) Easier said than done.

Ever since I was young (like 5 years old, maybe even earlier than that) I have wanted to be a Mommy. Now that I am one, I am constantly second guessing why I thought that I would be good at it! I find myself not having the patience that I thought that I would have, and either being too hard on her or the complete opposite of that. I find myself saying that she really should be an only child. Who would have thought that Evonne of all people wouldn't want any more children!? Paul is baffled, because this is something that has never happened in 9 years of marriage. I am sure at some point that "baby hungry" feeling will come back...who knows how soon, and Savannah is just getting bigger by the day. I feel this pressure that we have to have our children a certain amount of years apart like everyone else. Why do I feel pressure? Why would I care what everyone else thinks, and actually make a decision based on what someone else wants, right?!

The installer is coming tomorrow to put our blinds up. This morning I came this complete "beast" (to put it nicely) to Savannah, because she wasn't cooperating. I wanted everything to be spotless so this complete stranger doesn't think we are slobs. Why do I care what he thinks? Will I even see this guy again in my life? Again the pressure that I put on myself.

Okay, I think that I'm definitely done ranting. Thanks for enduring my post! I hopefully will be able to use a computer at the hotel in pictures though. At least I won't drop off the face of the earth for a complete week.


Amber said...

Rant away my friend!!! All I have to say is Amen. I cannot tell you how nervous I am to have this baby out and not have an excuse to be fat anymore. I am looking at having to lose 40 lbs. come Sept. I am scared I can't do it! I tell you though, I am feeling so much LESS pressure since today is my last day. That is one good thing about having a child, Part-time!

Rachel said...

Blinds....Sore subject with me, you'll have to read my post about them. But am still excited for you to get new ones!!

I completely hear you on the expectations we put on ourselves as women. I am constantly having the same thoughts and feelings and I wonder if I will ever feel confident in myself and my capabilities.

I have mixed feelings about me having any more kids too. If Luke wouldn't have been an oops, I'm afraid Andy would have been an only child for a really long time or even forever. I think now about how anxious I was to have Andy and realize now how young I really was and that I could have waited another 5 years, and it wouldn't have mattered. I think we as women are just in such a hurry to have it all, and to be what everyone else sees as "perfect".

I always wanted to have 3 kids, but I know I won't have another one until I lose this weight I'm carrying around, and if I do lose the weight, then I'm afraid I won't want to have another one because I'll be too scared to put all the weight back on. It seems like whatever our circumstance in life there is always something throwing us for a curve ball.

I think you should have faith in yourself that you will make the right decision. Go with your heart and you'll never fail.

HAVE FUN AT DISNEYLAND!!! I am so jealous right now. I grew up in Southern California and haven't been to Disneyland forever!!

Michelle said...

I completely understand - I wonder how in the world I could handle more than 1 since Jenna is already more than a handful. It's so nice to have her do things on her own and be independent (heaven's she can make her own cereal if the milk is half empty).

I hope you have a blast at Disneyland

Sell Family said...

phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like I can't handle my life! Thanks for making me feel like I have support! =)
I love my "blogging girls"!

richters said...

Great job at losing 45 lbs. Your hardwork and dedication payed off. I bet you look really nice.
Let me tell you I have been trying to lose weight like forever and exercising everyday but haven't even changed my weight. I dread being weighed, my voice in my head is "fatty get off the scale.." So if you have any suggestions for me it would be appreciated.

Rebecca said...

Wow, 45 pounds! You should be incredibly proud of yourself! And you must be a good mommmy- you're taking your daughter to Disneyland! Have fun, I'm jealous!

Callee said...

I couldn't have said it better myself! I appreciate your "ranting" it makes me feel like I am not the only one that goes through those feelings! by the way.. I am 33, but I look like I am 50! Have fun in Disneyland!

Jeff & Kerstin said...

Can I just tell you how much FUN it is to read your blog and get updates! I love that you are great at updating it! You attract readers from everywhere!!

On a more important note - CONGRATS for the weight you have lost! OMG girl!!! You are being way too hard on yourself, I'm so proud for the accomplishments you have made! Don't worry though, you are normal for still having days you are dissatisfied with yourself! Women are just that way. period. Truthfully though, I am very proud of you and have really been thinking that you are looking phenominal lately! You always are cute, but now - WOW!!! Keep it up!